Journey continues to heal school trauma

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The final gathering in a series of four designed to help residential school survivors heal from the trauma they experienced while attending Edmonton residential school was held Labour Day weekend on the site of the old school.

Hosted by Poundmaker's Lodge Treatment Centres and the Nechi Training, Research and Health Promotion Institute, this year's theme was Continuing Our Healing Journey.

Participants took part in healing circles, sweat lodge ceremonies and other spiritual activities, all in the hope that they would be able to walk away from the weekend "feeling lighter."

The school had a troubled past. Some of the students were paid to dig graves there for the Charles Camsell Hospital, and many are still haunted by the experience of seeing the caskets being put in the ground without ceremony or markings.

"As a result of the school burning down [in 2000] people started to come here. It was almost like they were making there own personal pilgrimages of healing," said Ruth Morin, CEO of the Nechi Institute. "I knew that there was spiritual unrest here, even when the school was here. People told stories, people talked of sightings they had, feelings they felt, energy they felt and so we know there was spiritual unrest."

Both Morin and Leona Carter, executive director of Poundmaker's Lodge, knew they couldn't ignore these stories so they began to hold these gatherings under the guidance of the Elders.

"The school standing here was a replica of a lot of pain and hardship, but nothing was done to make it feel better. I think now it's a whole different feeling. Even one of the Elders that we lost, is no longer with us, he even said that the energy is so different," said Carter. "Everybody says that the energy is so different and it's a good feeling to be able to dance where the old school was, to actually dance and celebrate. And that's what we've done, the dancing and celebrating, and it's a good feeling."

The school was in operation from 1924 to 1968 and was run by the Methodist Church and then the United Church of Canada. Jack Williams attended the school during the 1950s. He came to the annual gatherings with a lot of mixed emotions, he said.

Williams found a wall on an old barn where the children used to carve their names. Williams was able to find his own carving along with the initials of his sister, his brother and some old friends. Seeing the carvings in the wall made Williams feel angry, he said.

"Even though it's been nice to see some of our schoolmates from Edmonton, you get mixed feelings," said Williams. "I found my own, my sister's name, my brother's name. That was [carved] in 1954. It brought a lot of memories back, some of them not to good."

Williams said the barn was used as a school and when they were in trouble they would be made to sit in what looked now like holes in the ground where the windows of the barn's basement used to be.

Morin knows that people won't be healed by coming to the four gatherings, but she and Carter hope that the former students can find some peace.

At the gathering plans were unveiled to build a monument in honor of the students who attended the school and also for the spirits of the those who lie in the unmarked graves on the land.

"There has been healing that has been done here. We have seen it. People have come here, they have laughed, they have cried, they have sang, they have danced, they have shared their cultural ways," said Morin.

"I know they'll have good feelings and, of course, they'll be some feelings too of melancholy, but hopefully it's a feeling of 'I'm OK now. I don't carry this shame anymore. I don't carry this pain anymore,'" said Carter. "I don't think you're ever done [healing]. You just carry on every day, every year and work on a little bit yourself and hopefully by the time you're in your 90s you feel a little bit better."