It's how a foster family works

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Pat and Ted Dellaire are foster parents, but the Dellaires really believe they are just a part of an extended family and are providing care for children that find themselves needing care at this time in their lives.

"We are all related as Native people. We never identify the kids as foster kids because it has such a negative connotation to it. Within the circle, we are all the same," said Ted.

The Dellaires speak openly about their experiences with social services and about the families of the young people in their home. It all started in 1990. A comfortable northeast home in Edmonton is where the Dellaire family lives and enjoys spending time with their extended family.

Ted and Pat take a team approach to parenting, which comes across when they speak about raising children. They continue to learn about parenting skills which gives them a different perspective and that makes it work for their family.

"Ted is the head of the house and I'm the heart of the house. We have very clear roles," said Pat.

They attribute their success as foster parents to many factors, like good training supports, an excellent working relationship with Alberta Social Services, and, most importantly, a good relationship with the Native community.

"As a Native family, we are very different. Everything we are involved in in the Native community, the kids are involved in too," said Ted.

The family takes part in ceremonies like the sweatlodge, round dances and feasts. Most of those ceremonies will take place in the home community of the child. And the Dellaires take pride in being part of each child's family, said Pat.

"We have extended family that supports us too. We have a Kookum who comes in to help out and teaches the kids some of the things we need help with. She will come over if we need someone to be here with the boys. She makes bannock for them and spends time with them," said Pat.

The Dellaires talk about the standards that are set up by the province that they need to follow as foster parents. Those standards do not pose a problem for their family, because Ted and Pat have relied on similar standards that are found in the Native community.

Ted points to the values behind the standards and the values of a Native community as the reason for their success as foster parents - values like kindness, sharing and respect for one another.

"We don't let long-term planning get in the way and we let the present take care of itself," said Ted, as an example of what the Dellaires' priorities are.

That doesn't mean there are no rules that need to be followed in their home, but it's more about keeping those rules simple enough for the children to be who they are, said Ted. Two of the most important rules are to be home for supper because it is considered a time for togetherness and to abide by a curfew to ensure safety.

There is a lack of Native foster parents and the Dellaires believe that might be because most Native people are afraid of being scrutinized by social services, but Ted believes that fear comes from the history most Native people have had with government agencies.

"We live and work in our community and we are just like everyone else. It is very rewarding to see a child become an adult and take their rightful place in their community," said Ted, adding that most of the young people who have lived with them rarely lose touch with the Dellaires.

"Foster parents should be honored and recognized. You have a way to see and measure your success," said Ted.

Ted and Pat encourage Native people who are interested in becoming foster parents to call the recruitment office for more information.

"Until we have enough Native people to care for the kids then it is our responsibility to teach the non-Native people about our culture," said Ted. He believes keeping the connection to Native culture and people makes all the difference to the young people needing a home where they can feel safe.

The Edmonton District Foster Family Association has more nformation for those people who are interested in becoming foster parents. They can be reached at (780) 496-3546.

Janette Fawcett-Weir is the program director in charge of community awareness. She is more than happy to speak to anyone who wants to know details about the application process.

National Foster Parent Week is Oct. 17 to 23.