Vigil reveals the pain of missing loved ones

Two hundred people gathered in Toronto’s Allan Gardens on Oct. 4 for a somber ceremony to remember the country’s missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls. The Sisters in Spirit vigil was organized by the Native Women’s Resource Centre.

A prayer offered by grandmother Dorothy Peters, drumming by Red Spirit Singers and a healing dance by nine jingle dress dancers opened the evening.

Denise Booth, the evening’s emcee, said participants attended for Indigenous daughters and granddaughters, because we want their lives to matter.

“Our government doesn’t seem to care and our police force, who says they’re here to protect us, doesn’t seem to care. But we care and we are here and that is the most important thing. We are here to honour our sisters.”

Dr. Cyndy Baskin, Mi’kmaq and Celtic descent, associate professor at Ryerson University’s School of Social Work at Ryerson University, called on the men to help end the violence against Indigenous women.

“They too have lost sisters, mothers, partners and daughters. These women have been stolen from them too,” said Baskin. “This is not an Indigenous women’s fight,” she said. “Any violence towards us is everybody’s fight.”

Ontario Regional Chief Isadore Day spoke about the recently launched campaign – Who is She – by the Chiefs of Ontario to educate and raise funds for an inquiry. He commended the Native Women’s Resource Centre and other community organizations for the work they do on behalf of the people.

Denise Aquash of Walpole Island First Nation in Ontario spoke for the first time publicly about the 2005 murder of her niece, Katrina Kiyoshk. She spoke about making moccasin vamps for the Walking With Our Sisters (WWOS) project, and said it was much harder than she thought it would be.

“Images of my niece went through my mind…It was bittersweet and sad and healing for me at the same time. I cried. Tonight there’s so many other families in our country that share the same pain,” Aquash said.

In a later interview, Aquash talked about her niece and the impact of her violent death.

“Katrina was a happy, loving girl,” she said. “She was vivacious and she had a smile for everybody. She was so happy to see you, she’d come running, she’d jump up on you and just hug you.”

Her niece went missing in August 2005, just a few days after celebrating her 17th birthday. About a month later, her body was found in a swampy area of the reserve.

“Her birthday is on the 4th of August and mine is on the 1st,” Aquash said, “and for the eight years after it happened, I could not celebrate my birthday. I just couldn’t.” For those eight years, she and her daughter visited Katrina’s grave, “to wish her happy birthday and tell her we miss her and love her.”

It was difficult talking at the vigil, she said, because she still has so much pain. “There’s so many layers of pain and I just kept it to myself. But talking about it openly like that was really instrumental for me to begin healing too.”

Aquash and her sister, her niece’s mother, have never talked about Katrina’s death. “I don’t even know how my sister is feeling,” she said. “This is all the unresolved pain.” Similarly, Aquash cannot talk about the two men who were convicted in Katrina’s death. “They treated her like garbage,” she said. “So many of these women, that’s how they’re treated,” she said, “like they’re nobodies. They’re not nobody. Somebody loves them.”

For many years, Aquash hid the pain. “It just sat there inside me. I’d be going through life, smiling. I didn’t want anyone to see it.” A couple of years ago, she looked to the culture for healing, going to sweatlodge and circles with women she trusted.

On the moccasin vamp she made for WWOS, Aquash beaded a broken heart to represent the pain suffered by all who loved Katrina, and a pipe and turtle to represent the healing that needs to happen across Turtle Island for all the women lost.

“A lot of times, it’s people who knew these women who are the perps”, Aquash said. “I think our communities need to start looking at themselves and start being accountable for their own inner turmoil that causes them to hurt others. That silence – that’s keeping our communities sick.”

Photo caption: Denise Booth with Ontario Regional Chief Isadore Day preparing for Sisters in Spirit Vigil in Toronto.