Unhealthy behavior stems from childhood abuses

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When I first began contemplating working in the field of HIV/AIDS, I hadn't anticipated the many mountains that would be placed in front of me. I, like all, have had my share of knocks in the past and, in a way, they have prepared me for all that I have encountered and will encounter in this work.

I hear a lot of people at the grassroots level asking for help in the form of prevention and education, and, in many cases, I've offered my Helping Hands Project, along with myself, as a means of support. But I have discovered that people and organizations have there own agendas, target groups, formed views and ways of doing things.

My agenda is to help people, and my target group is everyone, and my way of doing things is different because it is positive. This attitude has resulted in my alienating some people.

I understand that society as a whole is used to negativity. Just check out the news, television programming, and newspapers. A positive approach from a positive person breaks every stereotype and may even be a culture shock. The responses that I have received have been rather intriguing.

In HIV and AIDS work we always refer to 'unhealthy behavior' which consists of using dirty needles for drug use, unprotected sex, promiscuous sex, and drunk and drugged sex.

When diagnosed with HIV/AIDS, I had to admit that, yes, I did have a lifestyle that put me at risk. Now where did I go from there? I had to understand that I couldn't deal with the childhood abuse issue that led me to the unhealthy behaviors, let alone my HIV/AIDS status. I was on OVERLOAD and wrestled with my life and its existence. I tried to commit suicide. Once I failed, I proceeded to try to understand this life and my place in it. Alone, I went to the mountains for a vision quest. I had many visions, but one in particular gave me instructions to go back to where I came from and everything would be okay. It became the name of my workshop - Going back to where we came from.

Since the time of my quest, four years have come and gone. The instruction I was blessed with and trusted in allows me to be here, alive and conscious of my special place in the circle of life.

I've had to go back to my childhood repeatedly, and my discoveries where astounding. Who I am and what my project is based on is taking a real good look at childhood and abuse and how closely related it is to what HIV/AIDS workers call unhealthy behavior.

For example, I know a little boy that, between the ages of four and nine, the only attention he received was sexual. After, he would be beat for his association with the abuse. He went to great lengths to avoid the abuse until the abuser started giving him gifts and money to have him once again.

He grew up and, throughout his life, looked for love through sex. Looking for love through sex, (promiscuous sex) is an unhealthy behavior. It seemed easy for him at the age of 17 to start selling his body. Prostitution is also an unhealthy behavior and its association with drugs and IV drug use and drunk and drugged sex. The connections are uncanny.

These are only two examples of the connections I've made between childhood abuse and the behaviors that follow those abuses. The little boy I speak of is me.

There is a need to take a second look at the unhealthy behaviors label that the HIV/AIDS empire has embraced. My wish is for this nation to, not only recognize this connection between childhood issues and unhealthy behaviors, but to act on it by dealing with it openly and honestly and casting an overpowering shadow of shame on the abusers. Addressing these issues will benefit all of society in every area, but will build towards the true prevention of the disease.

We have created an awareness, and, for some, that may be sufficient. However, for myself, it is not. I came into contact with the disease even after I was aware.

I have reclaimed the power in my life, and have a positive message for the people. I don't have a hidden agenda or doll signs in my eyes. What I do have is a genuine love for people and everything in life. Including the little challenges we are provided to learn from. This is what allows me to be confident and committed to this work in the education and prevention of HIV/AIDS. If perhaps anything happens to me I'd wish and hope that someone may find this information useful as I have the belief in my heart that it has the potential to truly help many people. Remember that we are all special! Walk in beauty.

Anyone who wishes to contact me please feel free and contact the paper. The Helping Hands Project builds bridges from urban to rural community living with community health packages, HIV/AIDS information and referrals, workshop and conference projects, and peer counselling.

Metakwe Owasin

(We are all related)