The things that a person learns while in L.A.

Page 14

The Urbane Indian

I just got back from L.A. ( I love saying that) where one of my plays, The Buz' Gem Blues, opened (I love saying that too). While there, I learned two important things, the first being that NBC has finally shot what they call "a showcase of a pilot" for an Aboriginal sitcom.

For the last several years, the powers that be at NBC have been shaking the bushes looking for talented Native comedians and writers in the hopes of doing something like this. Well, they finally put their money where their mouths are. Unfortunately, they picked the most predictable Native plot line currently available in North American pop culture.

Evidently, the half-hour sitcom called Blood Brothers revolves around a small, impoverished reservation somewhere in the American heartland that is courted by a company interested in turning their bingo hall into a huge casino. From there all the traditional (no pun intended) hilarious hi-jinks ensue. Practically every time you see a Native person on American television, it's in relation to casinos and gambling in some form. I remember when television representation consisted largely of alcoholism and working high steel. Boy, have we come far.

And anybody familiar with the television industry knows there's precious little chance of this show becoming a series. About as much chance of a First Nations person being elected leader of the Alliance Party of Canada, or a First Nations person wanting to be elected leader of the Alliance Party of Canada. Slim to none.

About five pilots are picked up for every hundred or so that are shot. So don't expect to see Blood Brothers on the fall schedule.

While I applaud NBC for its first foray into Native humor, I am a little disgruntled at their topic. As somebody who travels extensively, visiting rural and urban Native communities across North America, I know for a fact that Aboriginal life is incredibly funny and there are a hundred-thousand incredibly original funny stories a day happening out there. It's a pity NBC couldn't have tapped into that unique resevoir of life and do something a little more innovative.

Case in point-one of the Native actors (who shall remain nameless for reasons that will become obvious) that was in my play told me a very humorous story about visiting his in-laws. He's of Apache/ Pueblo heritage, but his wife is Cree from Wisconsin. While in this northern state, his in-laws invited him out on a lake to an ice shack to experience the unique sport known as ice fishing. For those not familiar with the sport, these little shacks are the size of outhouses and dot frozen lakes. Men (and occasionally women) sit inside them around holes cut into the ice and fish. More often than not, it's a bonding experience with a pickerel dinner payoff. For some, it's a chance to go off and enjoy the solitude. Evidently, his was an exceptional enough experience for a number of reasons. First of all, his original home in the American southwest is noticibly lean on lakes and, in particular, frozen ones. But perhaps what was a little more unusual was when his in-laws told him he should have been out ice fishing a week earlier because that's when the ice shack hookers came around.

Now, I don't know that much about the sex trade, but it seems to me that ice shack hookers have to be at the low end of the hooker spectrum. What can you do in a ski-doo suit surrounded by worms . . . or am I incredibly naive to be asking such a question? And, more importantly, can you pay them off in fish? What can you get for three bass and a perch, I wonder?

While this story might not make for the most family oriented or culturally sensitive televison show about North America's Indigenous people, I think it would be a lot more interesting and different than yet another tale of Native gambling or casinos. Because these stories are typical of the funny, yet different things that can happen in a Native community. But what do I know? Withthe way the Canadin television industry is today, there's little chance of us doing our own shows, though that would be fun. Instead, we can watch CBC news and be filled in on the dysfunctional Aboriginal story of the day, or we can watch APTN and learn how to gut a seal, caribou, deer, arctic char or elk (each day of the week gets its own animal-gutting lesson).

When I started this article, I mentioned that I had learned two important things while in L.A.. The second one was that vegetarians have no sense of humor. When I was down there, hanging out with all those L.A. people, I was asked if we had PETA up in Canada. Evidently, PETA stands for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I, on the other hand, commented that I was a card-carrying member of PETA-People who Eat Tasty Animals.

I barely got out of California intact. They almost ate me alive.