Talk about the horse of a different color

Page 15

URBANE INDIAN

One of the questions I get asked frequently by non-Natives when I'm off travelling the world, spreading the gospel of Native literature and humor, is in reference to what Canada's original inhabitants are called. We've heard the terms Aboriginal, Native, First Nations and Indigenous tossed about a lot; even the term Indian sometimes. It's so complicated in these politically correct times... but what is the technically accurate term one should use when talking about our people?

My first response is usually "tolerant," but then I start to seriously ponder the issue.

This is a good question because, granted, it can get quite complicated for those inside and outside our communities. As William Shakespeare wrote (or as we like to call him in the Native theatre community, Billy Shaking Spear), "A rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet." Same with Natives/First Nations/Aboriginals ... "an Ojibway, by any other name-Saulteaux, Chippewa, Algonquin etc.-would still smell as sweet." That is so true. Feel free to test the hypothesis. I'd like to see that phrase on a powwow T-shirt someday.

My point here is that, sometimes, even within our community, there tends to be a little difficulty making such a decision on coming up with that all-inclusive, one-size-fits-all term. Most people would say First Nations is a safe bet, but a lot of people are more comfortable with Native or Aboriginal. And if you are part of that same Native community, and frequently of an older generation, the term Indian can indeed still be heard quite often.

I, myself, in order to live a more politically correct life (not really but it sounds good), sometimes urge people to adopt a term I came up with several years ago: NAFNIP. We are Nafnips! Stand proud and tall. In case you're curious it stands for Native, Aboriginal, First Nations, Indigenous People-NAFNIP. It's one word that covers basically just about everything. Again I see a world covered in T-shirts baring this name.

However, I recently came across another single word that also stands by itself in describing who we are in a new and original way. I was unfamiliar with this word. It was in a newspaper article about a spelling bee, of all things. It was the final award winning word so I knew it had good karma attached. It is a new word I believe; one born in English, yet all encompassing and accurate.

So, for those out there who happen to care, I would like to suggest to the Assembly of First Nations that we consider adopting a homogeneous name that will bond us all together. I humbly submit that we call ourselves "autochthonous." It's a word, I've read, that means Native or Indigenous. Hey, that's us. Autochthonous. Nobody else out there seems to use it. I think we should adopt it. Technically I do believe it is a correct term for our dilemma. "Hey dude, I'm Autochthonous. Pass the lard."

Of course the Assembly of First Nations would have to change their name to the Assembly of the Autochthonous. Then instead of being the AFN, it would simply be A.A. Now how's that for irony? Their meetings would take on a whole new context. But hey, I'm sure they would never consider themselves autochthonous givers.

Think of the Canadian national anthem ... "Our home and autochthonous land." Or a community of people walking into a lawyer's office, wanting to establish their autochthonous land claim.

Doesn't that sound so natural, almost rolling off the tongue? You can picture yourself waiting around to fill out all those damn forms at the government's department of Autochthonous Affairs, after seeing your local autochthonous agent. See, it gets easy after a while. Try it.

You know, you blow into town, you're thirsty and want to find some of your people to hang out with, so you hunt down the local autochthonous bar to throw back a few beers with your fellow autochthonous brothers and sisters. This is because you are Proud to be Autochthonous! The militant Amerian Indian Movement would otherwise be known as AAM.

The brand new First Nations University in Saskatchewan, whose initials always make me laugh (FNU, or more graphically put, effin' you!), would now be known as Autochthonous University, or AU (hey you!) People would be telling autochthonous jokes, eating autochthonous tacos, spending all their money at the autochthonous casinos, driving their autochthonous cars, filling up on their cheap autochthonous gas and smoking their discount autochthonous cigarettes ... well, you get the point. No point in beating a dead horse. Too late, right?

I know change is a frightening thing, and not all might be willing to adopt such a radical title shift. But keep in mind, it might just be the way you're saying it. Autochthonous ... or maybe they just can't understand it because your autochthonous accent is too thick.