S.A.W. -Where does a guy like me sign up?

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THE URBANE INDIAN

Students at the University of Alberta noticed that Native society was in need of a new social organization, one that administers to the needs and wants of some of its wounded student body-Native men in pain.

The name of this new group is called S.A.W.-Survivors of Aboriginal Women-a much-needed support group with thousands of potential members.

According to my friend, this organization is set up to help men deal with the repercussions and recovery that result from dating Aboriginal women. The pain, the agony, the scolding, the tears -sort of a combination therapy group/frat house kind of thing.

My first reaction upon hearing of this organization was "Where do I sign up?" I want to start a Toronto chapter. I feel their pain. If you can believe it, my ex-girlfriend once chewed me out, the bastard that I am, because I returned a hamburger to the counter at Wendy's incorrectly.

Before you immediately dismiss the idea of such an organization as silly, try to picture these delicate, wounded men sitting in a circle, hands on each other's shoulders.

"Hi. My name is Ted and I've dated a Cree.

"Hi Ted."

I guess the next logical step would be to develop some sort of a 12-step program to be drafted into the charter. Indians like 12-step programs.

Step 1: Admit to yourself that Native women are beautiful and you are not at fault for falling in love with them. Step 2: Admit that for every door that is slammed in your face, another one opens up somewhere else. Usually a divorce lawyer's. Step 3: Love hurts. Some love more then others. Step 4: It is not her fault that she broke your heart. And your fishing rod. Your pool cue. Your will to live... Step 5: Always remember-your mother was an Aboriginal woman once.

And so the program would continue with various other assorted pearls of wisdom to ease the pain.

I applaud the men at the University of Alberta for founding such a gathering of kindred spirits. It probably won't get them many dates, but that's not the point. We're talking about larger issues. There may be a little more "self-snagging" on the powwow trail this summer, but it's all for a good cause.

An organization such as this poses some interesting questions, though. Is it strictly a men's organization? Or is the organization more about dealing with female fraternization recovery? Can lesbians join? I'm sure they have their share of women problems. How about people who have issues with their mothers? Transsexuals? The 21st century can be so complicated.

Now I know what you're thinking. If there's a S.A.W., there has got to be a S.A.M.-Survivors of Aboriginal Men. In fact, many would argue there's a more pressing need for a S.A.M. But it has also been argued that there is already a place where women congregate to discuss and complain about the men in their lives.

It's called Bingo.