Just call me Indian, baffled writer pleads

Page 8

OPINION

The other day, I, a reasonably well-educated man of the every-more-complex nineties, made a tremendous political and social faux pas: I referred to myself and other people of my ethnic background as "Indians."

Oh, the shame of it. You could hear the gasp echo across the room.

It was done, I assure you, with the most innocent intention, but nevertheless, I

was soon castigated by both my brethren and, in my humble opinion, the overly politically sensitive members of other cultural groups. And the white people.

Needless to say, in these politically correct times, I was inundated by these same people with criticisms about the use of such an outdated term. "We're/You're no longer called Indians!" I was told over and over again.

Well, I'm evidently severely mistaken in having responded to that term for the past 29 years. No doubt an oversight on my part, and that of my entire family and reserve, not to mention the vast majority of the country.

While we were growing up we were all proud to be "Indians." The word had a certain power to it that set us aside from the white kids. (Or should I say children of occidental descent?)

Somehow the cry of "Proud to be Indigenous Population" just doesn't have the same ring.

Or picture this: You arrive thirsty in some new town, and you ask the first 'skin you see, "Yo, neeches, where's the nearest First Nations Bar?" Sorry - just doesn't work for me.

I guess at 29 I'm out of date. Oh, I understand the reasoning behind the hubbub. Columbus, as a member of the European Caucasian nation, thought he found India and so on.

That's cool, but there's also another school of thought that says Columbus was so impressed by the generosity and genuine nature of the native population of the Caribbean that he wrote back to Spain saying these people were "of the body of God" - or, in Spanish, "corpus in deo." In deo equals Indian. A pretty thin link, but who knows? I know some Indians with God-given bodies.

But a person in my position doesn't have time to defend himself with theoretical history. Since my faux pas, I've been too busy handling the deluge of politically correct terms I am permitted and urged to use.

It must be obvious to most people that in the past few years, Native people in Canada have gone through an enormous political metamorphosis, similar to that of people of African descent. Years ago they used to be called nigger, then Negro, then colored, then black and finally, today I believe the correct term is African-American or African-Canadian.

That's nothing compared to the selection of names and categories available to the original inhabitants of this country. And these names or classifications have nothing to do with any tribal affiliations - they're just generic names used to describe us "Indians."

Grab some aspirin and let me give you some examples.

We'll start with the basics: status, nonstatus, Metis. So far, painless. I guess next would come the already mentioned Indian, followed by Native, Aboriginal, Indigenous and First Nations. Pay attention, there's going to be a test afterward. From there we can go to "on-reserve" "off-reserve," urban, treaty.

Got a headache yet? How about the enfranchised Indians, the Bill C-31 or reinstated people, the traditional Indians, the assimilated Indian? I'm not finished yet.

There are the wannabes (the white variety), the apples (the red variety), the half-breeds, mixed bloods and, of course, the ever-popular full-bloods.

My personal favorities are what I call the Descartes Indians? "I think Indian, therefore I am Indian."

Get the picture? Right - there are a couple of dozen separate names for our people. Where does it all stop? I want to know just who keeps changing the rules.

Even I get confused sometimes. That's why I usually use the term Indian. I'm just too busy or too lazy to find out which way the political wind is blowing, or to delve deeply into the cultural/governmental background of whomever I am talking o writing about. By the time I go through all the categories, I've missed my deadline. Then I become an unemployed Indian.

But I know what you're thinking. Why should I listen to this guy? What the hell does he know? He's probably just some status, off-reserve, urban, Native, Aboriginal, treaty, half-breed Indian. Well, this week, anyway.