Hurtling towards death not my idea of fun

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F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote "The Rich are different from you and I," to which everybody usually responds, "Yeah, they got more money." On a similar theme, it's been my Ojibway-tainted observation over the years that middle-class white people are different from you and I-they're insane.

Much has been written over the years about the differences between Native people and non-Native people, and how differently they view life. I think there's no better example of this admittedly broad opinion than in the peculiar world of outdoor recreational water sports and the death wish that surrounds it.

As a member of Canada's Indigenous population, I've always cast a suspicious eye at all these water-logged enthusiasts for several reasons; the principal one being the now familiar concept of cultural appropriation-this time of our methods of water transportation.

On any given weekend, the Canadian rivers are jam-packed with plastic/fibreglass kayaks and canoes, practically none of them filled with authentic Inuit or Native people, all looking to taunt death using an Aboriginal calling card.

Historically, kayaks and canoes were the life's blood of most Native and Inuit communities. They were vital means of transportation and survival, not toys to amuse bored weekend beige warriors. To add insult to injury and further illustrate my point, there's a brand of gloves used by kayakers to protect their hands from developing calluses. These are called Nootkas. To the best of my knowledge, the real Nootka, a West Coast First Nation, neither kayaked nor wore gloves.

Perhaps my argument can best be articulated with an example of the different ways these two cultural groups react to a single visual stimulus. First, in a river, you put some Native people in a canoe right beside some white people in a canoe. Directly in front of them should be a long stretch of roaring rapids, with large pointy rocks and lots and lots of turbulent white water. Now watch the different reactions.

Granted, I'm being a bit general, but I think I can safely say the vast majority of Native people, based on thousands of years of traveling the rivers of this great country of ours, would probably go home and order a pizza. Or possibly put the canoe in their Ford pickup and drive down stream to a more suitable and safe location. And pick up pizza on the way. Usually, the only white water Native people prefer is in their showers. Hurtling towards potential death and certain injury tends to go against many traditional Native beliefs. Contrary to popular belief, the word portage is not a French word. It's Native for "Are you crazy?! I'm not going through that! Do you know how much I paid for this canoe?"

Now you put some sunburned Caucasian canoeists in the same position, their natural inclination is to aim directly for the rapids paddling as fast as they can towards the white water. I heard a rumor once that Columbus was aiming his three ships directly at a raging hurricane when he discovered the Bahamas. I believe I have made my point. Yet even with this bizarre lemming-like behavior, there are still more white people out there then Native people.

I make these observations based on personal experience. Recently, for purely anthropological reasons, I have risked my life to explore this unique sub-culture known as white water canoeing and sea kayaking.

There is also a sport known as white water kayaking, but I have yet to put that particular bullet in my gun. So for three days I found myself in the middle of Georgian Bay during a storm testing my abilities at sea kayaking. I, along with a former Olympic rower, a Quebecois lawyer who consulted on the Russian constitution, one of Canada's leading diabetes specialists, and a 6-foot, 7-inch ex-Mormon who could perform exorcisms, bonded over four-foot swells and lightening. All in all, I think a pretty normal cross-cut of average Canadians. The higher the waves, the more exciting they found it.

Still, I ofte find these outings to be oddly very patriotic in their own unique way. I cannot tell you the number of times I've seen many of these people wringing out their drenched shirts, showing off an unusual array of tan lines, usually a combination of sunburned red skin and fish-belly white stomachs.

For some reason, it always reminds me of the red and white motif on the Canadian flag. Maybe, back in the 1960s, that's where the federal government got their original inspiration for our national emblem.

But this is only one of several sports originated by various Indigenous populations that have been corrupted and marketed as something fun to do when not sitting at a desk in some high-rise office building.

The Scandinavian Sami, otherwise known as Laplander, were instrumental in the development of skiing, though I doubt climbing to the top of a mountain and hurling themselves off it to make it to the bottom as fast as gravity and snow would allow was not a culturally engrained activity. The same could be said for Bungee jumping.

Originally a coming of age ritual in the South Pacific, young boys would build platforms, tie a vine to their legs and leap off to show their bravery and pass into adulthood. I doubt the same motivation still pervades in the sport, if it can be called a sport.

I have brought this issue of recreational cultural appropriation up many times with my friend who usually organizes these outdoor adventures. The irony is, she works at a hospital. And she chews me out for not wearing a helmet while biking. She says there is no appropriation. If anything, her enthusiasm for these sports is a sign of respect and gratefulness.

That is why I think these people should pay a royalty of sorts every time they try to kill themselves using one of our cultural legacies. I'm not sure if a patent or copyright was ever issued on kayaks or canoes. It was probably conveniently left out of some treaty somewhere, but somebody should definitely investigate that possiblity. Or better yet, I think that every time some non-Native person white water canoes down the Madawaska River, or goes kayaking off of Tobermory, they should first take an Aboriginal person to lunch. That is a better way of showing respect and gratefulness. And it's less paperwork.