Clarence Two Toes [windspeaker confidential]

Windspeaker: What one quality do you value in a friend?
Clarence Two Toes: It's that they have their own wheels to go to the powwow or round dance with. Sometimes my war pony breaks down and I need a lift; it’s not cool that my friend Bob has to borrow his ex-girlfriend’s car to get to the powwow.

W: What is it that really makes you mad?
C.T.T.: I get really mad when my cat just stares at me, like I have something hanging from my nose. That cat makes me feel insecure. I hate that.

W: When are you at your happiest?
C.T.T.: When I have breakfast — bacon in particular. If I could marry a pig, or just a pack of bacon, actually, I’d be in heaven.

W: What one word best describes you when you are at your worst?
C.T.T.: Lost. I feel like a bad Indian when I get lost. I can hear my kookum’s voice saying, “Just look for the sun, dummy.” What the hell do I look for at night, when it’s snowing, and my GPS has me all turned around?

W: What one person do you most admire and why?
C.T.T.: I admire me the most because I’m the best. Whoops, I’m supposed to keep it humble. Uh, God. Or. Tom Jackson. Or. Elvis...he’s pretty cool.

W: What is the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to do?
C.T.T.: The most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do was dance a third song at a contest in Ontario. Damn, I went all out on that second song and there was a tie. That third song I was damn near a statue, I tried to make it look cool and wave my fan and dancing stick around a lot, but I couldn’t breathe.

W: What is your greatest accomplishment?
C.T.T.: Beading my own regalia. It took me four ex-girlfriends, three trips to the pawnshops in Saskatchewan, and six years, but I did it.

W: What one goal remains out of reach?
C.T.T.: Beating this one guy named Charlie Red Tail at the local karaoke bar. That damn guy sounds just like that singer from Bon Jovi and I just don’t sing CCR songs like I used to.

W: If you couldn’t do what you’re doing today, what would you be doing?
C.T.T.: If I couldn’t do what I’m doing today I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing today because I’d be doing something that I’m not doing right now but would be doing in the future because I’m not doing it right now because I’m doing something else that I’m not doing because in the future I might do something different that I’ve never done because I’m doing something else that isn’t the different thing that I’m doing or have ever done.

W: What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
C.T.T.: “Pack extra underwear because you never know where you’re gonna end up.”

W: Did you take it?
C.T.T.: Always. Check my suitcase and you’ll find extra shorts all balled up in the little outside, zippered compartment.

W: How do you hope to be remembered?
C.T.T.: I want to be remembered as the second best looking Indian to ever live. First best looking Indian to ever live, of course, is Cher.

Clarence Two Toes is the alter ego of Ryan McMahon, an Ojibway comedian/actor/writer and community educator who loves working with young people. Born in Fort Frances, Ontario, he is a member of the Couchiching First Nation in that province. He currently makes his home in Winnipeg but finds himself away a lot as he carves out a name for himself across Canada and the United States.
One of the first ever Aboriginal graduates of the prestigious Second City Toronto Conservatory, and armed with a degree in Theatre, McMahon mixes a traditional stand-up comedy sensibility with a loose, improvised, slacker-style that is meshed together with characters, multimedia, music and hilarity, plus good old-fashioned fart jokes. Steering clear of tired, cultural stereotypes onstage, instead he combines stand-up, improv, and sketch comedy, weaving stories and characters in an original style of comedy he calls Indian Vaudeville.

A performance by McMahon is fast paced, brutally honest, and unlike most live comedy shows. Reviewers have noted his style is loose, the characters are wild, and he constantly works new material as an active producer and performer.

Over and above his comedy, and leadership and empowerment workshops with youth and their communities, he owns a production company called Indian and Cowboy Productions Inc. Constantly in a state of comedic creation, McMahon regularly writes treatments for various sitcoms and Web series, including A Mile In My Moccassins, which has turned heads and landed him in a couple of development deals for film and television. His improvised comedy podcasts have been featured on iTunes Canada and have opened the door to a record deal with Canyon Records in the United States.

If you book McMahon, he vows to drive, paddle, swim, fly, or hitchhike to your community to make you laugh. And finally, while he admits to being slightly overweight, happily, he claims to be coming to grips with his ridiculously unhealthy love of bacon.