Christmas another example of perplexing white culture

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Well, it's here. That wonderfully perplexing season we all know and love as Christmas has arrived for yet another financially draining year. And like every year, I tell myself "Drew, don't get caught up in the whole buying, giving, getting, eating, burping, trying to find my jacket after the last Christmas party mess."

I say this because I don't understand this whole Yuletide thing. And no, I'm not going through a Scrooge phase. Actually, I would call it more of a "let's try and rationalize the habits of white people and hopefully understand them" phase. As a Native person this is becoming more and more a full-time job to me. I've been reading a lot of Desmond Morris lately.

OK, let's start at the beginning. Christmas was created to celebrate the birth of Christ, right? Now doesn't that sound simple? But most historians agree Christ couldn't have been born on Dec. 25 for some historical reason but what the heck, let's celebrate it anyway. Which in a way, turned out kinda OK.

Luckily, all the Christmas carols take place in winter. Dashing through the Snow, just wouldn't have the same effect in June. How about Frosty the Mud Man for May?

And try and find another historian who thinks it's possible that Christ was born in the year zero. Uh uh. Most people think around 7 or 9 B.C. But let's start the first Millennium off when he's in grade school. Go figure.

Let's look at it from another angle. When would it be the most inconvenient and difficult time of year to battle the elements and travel the icy roads to come home? How about the dead of winter?! Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

Now traditionally, my people, the Ojibways of this country, usually broke up into smaller family groups in the winter when it was harder to travel and there was less food to go around. This provided a better survival rate. Then they would merge back together in the summer when times were good and it made sense. But no, what did we know, we were backward savages. Right, this coming from a race of people who, every year, wait in anticipation for some fat white man in a red suit being pulled by flying reindeer who travels the world pulling break-and-enters. And they leave cookies out for him. Now this is an advanced society.

And there's no use trying to combine the two different philosophies of winter life. People just get upset. I will give you an example. Several years ago I was attending a college in Toronto. I had just arrived back in the city after spending a couple weeks at home for - you guessed it - Christmas, when I was invited to dinner with relatives of my roommate.

The evening went along pleasantly enough when, curious as to how Native people spent the holidays, they asked me what I did for Christmas. So I told them of this strange adventure I had. I was walking home Christmas eve from visiting friends when I noticed, in front of my house, a whole herd of large deer milling about something that looked like it had skis. The kids at the table started dot get excited and asked me what I did then.

Well, I told them I did what any self-respecting Indian would have done in that situation, I got my gun. Shot them and ate them. We had several hearty Christmas meals, let me tell you.

I thought it was an interesting story but for some reason, it had upset my roommate's family, especially the kids. So trying to apologize and get back in the family's good graces, I held up my duffel bag and said,"I have some steaks left over. They're in here. Want some?" Again, I said something wrong.

Now any self-respecting Native family would have jumped at the chance for fresh venison, especially these ones. They had such a ...light taste to them. Not heavy like some meats.

Not like that rabbit I caught last Easter.