Remembrances: The cycle of life

Page 5

In my dad's passing, I learned a lot. I learned a lot about being a father. When he left, I felt all alone. In confronting this feeling of aloneness, I grew stronger. It was my children who pulled me out of this feeling of aloneness and I began to realize in a different way just how much they need me, their father.

Life here went on despite the fact that my father was gone from this world. I was feeding the horses just a few days after he passed. I started reflecting on the fact that my father was a horseman too. He used to ride rodeo, and had the bum knee to prove it. And here I was out in the field with the horses, just like my dad. I started to understand that life is a cycle. What our parents pass on to us, we hold and pass on to our children.

My dad always used to say in his growlie voice to the kids and I: "Don't be a bum. Go to work."

When I was younger, every time I would ask my dad for money he would tell me: "You want money go to work." He lived his life this way. I respect him in a renewed way thinking back on the things that he taught me. My dad was strict with us kids. I now understand just how much my father cared about us. Sometimes it's hard to be strict with the kids, but they need to learn discipline and that's what my father taught me. And that's what his father taught him. As I look around our community today, I think this is one of the things that is missing. We wouldn't have the problems of vandalism and stolen property if we were still carrying out our responsibility to pass on discipline to our children. Discipline is a lesson each and every one of us must carry in our hearts. I am glad my father loved me enough to pass on discipline. It's now clear to me that the drinking and carrying on - and some members of my family still do this - is just a thin excuse to avoid carrying discipline.

I am pretty proud of my dad. And I miss that old guy. I am very grateful to Windspeaker and Pam Green who was able to interview him and record his story just days before he passed. His war stories and the commitment he had to this Cree land on which he lived his entire life is also an important remembrance of what that old man stood for. I am troubled that my father passed on without the issues of the war veterans being resolved with Canada. He was also angry with the Indian leadership in this province for not consulting with all the veterans, keeping them informed and ensuring that this issue was resolved. It will always trouble me that my father passed on without the peace he deserved because this issue was not settled.

As Christmas time approaches, I believe it is important for each of us to remember the people who went before us and the sacrifices they made for us. Christmas time for me, as someone who does not follow Christian traditions, is still an important time of remembering and sharing. It's become the time in our family where we reach out and connect with each other.

We all know it's hard to be an Indian since the coming of the Europeans. But this has little to do with the responsibilities we carry to our traditions. It's good to be an Indian when you are trying to live those traditions.

I am proud of the members of my family who stood strong and buried the old man in the Indian way and only the Indian way. We knew this is what he wanted. That old man came into the world following Indian ways and went out the same way. My cousin, Eric Tootoosis, who I am also grateful to for his support and kindness, helped with that funeral. He talked about how important it is for our people to exercise our belief in our Creator, given the right to do things in our ways. It's been a long time at Thunderchild since there was a funeral that only relied on our ways, the Indian ways my father passed on to us. I am proud of what that old man stood for and understand that even in his death, he was still teaching.