The evolution of Aboriginal people through the 20th century

Page 7

Continued from last month.

Now when the boy went home, he was uncommunicative and angry, as were his siblings and the rest of the children who were home for the holidays. There was no longer uninhibited laughter or peace and contentment. It was as if the whole community was in mourning. The children didn't realize it but they had their spirit, their creativity, and their joy in life crushed by what they were forced to endure at the school. Their pain was so great it all but consumed them. There was no honest communication, no more trust or sharing of the heart and mind. There were, instead, feelings of unease, shame and guilt. The boy no longer felt like he was a part of the community, and was sure knowledge of what happened to him would bring great shame to him and his family. The children were not comfortable without their time and activities scheduled. They had become apathetic, and lost their ability to think and make good decisions. They were unclear and confused about their relationships with their families, their extended families and their community. They no longer felt a part of their community, but they knew they didn't belong anywhere else either.

By the time the boy and his peers reached puberty, the age where they should have been eagerly looking forward to their traditional rites of passage from childhood to manhood, they were dreading returning to the school. All traditional ceremonies had been banned and were deemed illegal by the government. The boy and the rest of the children were not aware of the confusion that reigned among the adults. Their whole way of life had changed, and the adults, who always had a deep understanding of their purpose, roles and responsibilities, were suddenly cast adrift. They were no longer able to parent their children - and they had once considered this privilege their reason for existing. They were no longer able to perform their ceremonies, which they spent their lifetime learning to do; they had to learn another language, as their children were slowly forgetting their mother tongue. The feeling of powerlessness, helplessness, hopelessness and guilt increased. They saw their communities falling apart, and felt powerless to stop it.

As the boy and his peers became young men, many of the boy's peers began to take their own lives. The adults in the communities often were not aware of this when it happened at the school. They were told lies.

When the children related the truth to their parents it only increased their guilt and pain. The inevitable happened; one holiday the boy went home and discovered that the adults in the community had turned to alcohol to obliterate the pain, shame and guilt. Many tried to sober up when the children came home, but it was evident that things were not the way they were. Apathy and guilt turned to anger and frustration. Soon there were outbreaks of violence. As the boy got older, he and his friends would wait until their parents passed out and steal their booze and get drunk too. The boy realized that the alcohol helped him to forget the sordid events that happened in his life.

When he returned to the school, he and his friends began to raid the wine cellar. They made sure they never got caught. They drank just enough to make life bearable.

By the time the boy turned 16 and was able to leave the school for the last time, he suddenly became frightened. He had no idea what he was going to do, how he was going to survive, or for that matter, how he was going to relate to his family. He returned home and everyone was drinking. He went to visit his grandmother and found her sick, neglected and alone. He was devastated, and stayed to look after her. His grandmother talked to him about all of the changes to the community and tried to make him promise not to drink that "devil's drink." Even as he promised her, he knew he was not going to keep that promise.

When the boy's mother sobered up, the boy tried to talk to her about neglecting her other, his grandmother. His mother became very defensive and angry. They had harsh words, which further widened the gulf between them. His mother couldn't tell him of her heartbreak because she couldn't protect him. She couldn't tell him that he was a child of her heart and she was ashamed of herself as a result of her behavior when she was drinking. She couldn't tell him that when her children were taken from her arms, she no longer had a reason for living. She couldn't articulate the fact that for years she had been merely existing and now she couldn't revive her spirit again. She couldn't tell him that the alcohol served to numb the feelings of pain and loss and she could forget for a short period of time. Had she been able to tell him these things, perhaps he would have understood. Who knows? Maybe it would have cleared the way for him to share his own pain with her.

But it didn't happen.

The boy, grown up now, experienced great shame and self-loathing about his sexuality as a result of his abuse at the school. He eventually began to pursue relationships with the opposite sex. There was no respect for himself or his partners in these sexual encounters. He began to see a young woman who had also gone to the school. They began to have a relationship and soon she became pregnant. They decided to move in together. They moved in with his father and mother. Because this young man had so many horrendous secrets, there was no intimacy and respect in this relationship. There was a lot of fear of abandonment and jealousy and they fought a lot. The young man truly wanted to love his girlfriend and he looked forward to having a child, but his fear and anger kept getting in the way of his relationship. He didn't know how to make decisions for himself, yet resented anyone telling him what to do. He couldn't get a job, and before he knew it, he was blaming his girlfriend for his problems. If he had only talked to her, he would have realized she had also been horrendously abued in the school. She was experiencing the same problems with their relationship as he was. The number one rule, don't let yourself be vulnerable. They didn't know in order for there to be intimacy, they had to allow their feelings to emerge. They looked forward to the birth of their child, sure that it would improve their relationship. Sadly, they didn't realize that they had not experienced a mother's or father's care since the age of five. They weren't aware that they didn't know how to be parents.

They didn't realize that the majority of their day-to-day living problems were a direct result of their totally undisciplined lifestyle. Their whole childhood experience was one of regimented rules and regulations. Someone else had total control over everything they did. They never had the opportunity to learn decision-making skills, their lives had been immobilized by fear and degradation. They were subconsciously rebelling against the strict rules and regulations of the school, and because of the depth of the impact of that experience, were not able to develop structure or self-discipline in their lives. They had no goals or plans and didn't realize that they lived an apathetic existence. They slept until noon, sometimes ending up wearing their cleanest dirty clothes. They lived in filth and squalor. It was a far cry from how they lived prior to boarding school. The young man had vague memories of happier times, but they were few and far between. He was ecstatic when his son was born. They had two more children within the next couple of years and tried hard to be good parents. They didn't realize that their discipline was often inconsistent, harsh and shaming to their children. They weren't aware that they were emotionally unavailable to their children. They vowed their children would have a better life than they did. When the oldest son reached school age, they saw history repeat itself. The son, along with all of the other school age children, were gathered up andshipped off to residential school. The only difference was, they were loaded into the back of a cattle truck instead of a buggy and carried off. The man was devastated. He was filled with helpless rage and drank himself into oblivion. The woman was broken hearted, bitter and resentful. The man subconsciously distanced himself from the children and his mate. His pain and humiliation eventually turned into a deep rage. He drank more and more and soon his drinking and his rage was out of control. He became extremely abusive to his family while in his drunken rages. He felt a deep sense of helplessness, hopelessness, shame and self-loathing for his behavior but couldn't stop. His children and his mate began to fear for their lives. He knew that his behavior was totally out of order but would become angry and defensive if he was confronted when he was sober. His children soon learned to keep out of his way, and he hated to see the look of fear in their eyes. Even more he hated how he felt when he saw how his behavior affected his family. He couldn't handle those feelings so he began to resent his family. He began to blame them for his feelings of failure and worthlessness. The violence accelerated, and for this family became a way of life. Eventually his mate couldn't tolerate the violence and the abuse and took his children and moved home to her family. This increased his deep sense of failure, shame and hopelessness. A part of him was relieved because he could remain in a state of drunkenness and this became his life. He lived for that next drink. Anything to kill the pain. He knew if he sobered up he would have to face reality and it was just too painful.

Meanwhile his spouse's family was in the same miserable state; with her family drinking and fighting, soon she gave up and joined them. She felt her life was hopeless and she gave up trying to make some kind of home for her children. Soon the children were fending for themselves and lived in total fear. This became