A child's journey to nowhere

Page 4

This is a fictional story based on facts. It could be any child who has had the misfortune to be born into poverty, or into an alcoholic family. It is an adult responsibility to make sure every child they meet knows they are worthy of being loved, and to nurture their spirit so they will grow up strong and spiritually based. Every child who is well loved and truly valued will in turn love and value life. One person can make a lasting impact on a child's life by letting them know they're of great value and worthy of being loved. Children need to know they have a special purpose in life and everyone has a special gift and they need to be encouraged to approach every experience with enthusiasm in search of that purpose and gift.

Susan came from a large family. Her parents had many problems, alcohol abuse not being the least of them.

She was only six years old but was already wise in the ways of survival. Whenever there was drinking, there was usually fighting and shouting. She had already learned to make herself scarce when these happenings occurred. Because Susan had grown up in this environment, this was normal for her. She knew she didn't like it but that was the way things were. She loved her parents when they weren't drinking and fighting and was afraid when they were.

When Susan was six years old she knew she would be going to school. She was excited and looking forward to that magic day.

Finally the big day arrived.

She got on the school bus and off she went. She was a bit afraid but mostly excited and happy. She would learn to read and write, and she would have lots of friends to play with.

When Susan entered the school and looked around, she realized that everyone was dressed different than her. Their clothes were all new and clean. Their hair was neatly combed and their faces were shining clean.

She tried to make herself as small as possible hoping no one would notice her. A young boy walked by and held his nose and said, "Phew, you smell bad." Susan was embarrassed and wanted to cry. They were assigned to their seats, and no one wanted to sit with her. She was no longer excited and happy about school. She wanted to go home. The shaming and the oppression had begun for Susan.

Susan was exceptionally bright and very creative but it soon became evident that she had learning difficulties. She was placed in the "slow learners" class. Susan was devastated.

The first day of school set the tone for Susan. After the first week she tried to clean herself up and comb her hair, but most times she didn't wake up in time and often couldn't find a brush or comb to fix her hair.

She was teased unmercifully by the other children and her self-esteem plummeted. Susan had difficulty concentrating and often refused to speak up for fear of being laughed at. The teachers thought she was being stubborn and she would end up sitting in the hallway. This further reinforced her negative opinion of herself.

By the time Susan was 12, she had failed two grades, still experienced great difficulty reading, and her hurt had turned to anger.

She began to rebel and her behavior was defiant and uncooperative. She began to hang out with older kids and soon learned the art of shop-lifting in order to clothe herself. She eventually got caught and the store manager called in her mother. The store manager let her off but banned her from his store for six months. Susan was humiliated and angry. Susan's mother realized that her drinking was part of Susan's problem, and her other children were acting up also so she made a decision to stop drinking and try to put her house in order. Susan had been used to unlimited freedom as a result of her parents' drinking and lack of interest in what their children were doing as long as they weren't bothering them. She resented what she saw as her mother's interference in her life. There was a great emotional distance between mother and daughter because of the mother's previous preoccupation with drinking. She wa at a loss as to how to talk to her children. Susan had spent six shameful oppressive years in school and was full of hurt, anger and resentment. She was a far cry from the excited six year old that got on the bus on her first day of school. She was sad, lonely and had a constant feeling of emptiness that she couldn't put a name to. She wanted something better for herself, but she couldn't even put a name to it because it hadn't been a part of her experience. What she longed for and didn't know, was love and acceptance.

By the age of 14, Susan was skipping out of school, drinking with older kids, and was sexually assaulted at a party when she had too much to drink. Susan felt that life had nothing much to offer. Her mother, at a loss as to how to reach her daughter, would become frustrated and afraid for her and would yell at her to try to scare her into changing.

After Susan was sexually assaulted she became very promiscuous. She had found a way to get attention; and for a brief period of time she could believe that somebody cared about her. By the time she was 16, she could see the reality of where her life was going. She knew she was in the fast lane to nowhere and didn't know how to get off. She got up one morning and discovered that no one else was home. She found a bottle of sleeping pills, she sat there in a state of depression and thought about her life and came to the conclusion that it was just too painful and that nobody really cared about her - including herself - and made a decision to end it.

She couldn't tolerate the shame and pain she was experiencing. She took the bottle of pills one by one and quietly went to sleep. Everyone wondered why she would do such a thing. People said, "she was young, she had her whole life ahead of her." Where were they when she was six years old and really needed someone to tell her she was unique, special, and most of all, worthy of being loved?