Year 3 - Understanding yourself

Page 5

Last month's column took a look at the second year in recovery and its emphasis on understanding learned behaviors and emotions. Year 3's major focus is on becoming comfortable with the new you and the transitions that come with changing attitudes and behaviors.

As I have mentioned a number of times in previous columns, as the recovery process takes place, in Year 2 the individual's main focus is no longer on not picking up. Each day that you awake, you're 90 per cent certain that you are going to remain abstinent throughout the day. But now it's dealing with the emotions and feelings and seeing them through on a daily basis. Most emotions are very intense to begin with, but it seems extra intensified for those in Year 2 because they have never experienced those feelings while clean and sober . . . on this level.

Sure, some of the emotions were felt in Year 1, but the main concern was "as long as I don't pick up" and that made everything OK. You won because you didn't pick up. Now it's time to start discovering where these emotions, feelings and reactions stem from.

In the psychology field it is a well-known theory that most learned behaviors are learned in the first six years of life. While Year 2 is a very confusing year, it can be viewed as the most wonderful year of your life because this is where you start defining who you really are as an individual, as a person. You start becoming aware of who you are and what you really want to become. You start creating personal boundaries that keep you safe. You learn what beliefs are not yours, but belong to your parents or friends. I always think of a really good friend that I met in my second year of recovery. She didn't know why she hated Native people or gays, she just did. It wasn't until she sobered up that she realized these were not her beliefs, but were those of her parents. When she was able to give those beliefs back to her parents and believe in what she really believed in, she was a totally different person. She would embrace me really hard when I would run into her at Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I really felt the true love of friendship pouring out from her. We are still really good friends today.

It is really important in Year 2 that you have a personal therapist. He or she can help guide you through your roughest times. In earlier columns, I stated that approximately 95 per cent of alcoholics/drug addicts suffer or suffered from some sort of abuse. Whether it's sexual, physical, mental, emotional or spiritual abuse, you have to come to some understanding and forgiveness of your abuser if you want to truly heal yourself. A good therapist is a trained psychological helper who can help you better understand yourself. It is very important that you check out the references of a potential therapist because, as someone who works in this profession, I believe that there are some therapists out there who can do more harm than good.

A true therapist never pushes ideals or beliefs on another. He or she helps you help yourself to come to your own realizations of what is good for you. Since you are in recovery, you should also insure that the therapist is trained in chemical dependency/addictions. Just because one is a registered clinical counsellor and has a graduate degree in psychology, does not mean one understands what is going on in an addict's mind. Choose one who is in recovery or one who has specific training in addictions, as well as one that is competent in your core issues: eg: sexual abuse.

In conclusion, balancing your Medicine Wheel should become an integral part in your life. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season, and next month, we'll look at building your future with the new you.