Year 2 - Understanding behavior and emotions

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Last month's column took a look at the first year in recovery and its emphasis on not picking up. As stated, each year has its own set of unique issues that a person has to deal with. Year 2's major focus is on understanding the individual's learned behaviors and emotions.

As the recovery process takes place, in Year 2 the individual's main focus is no longer on picking up. Each day that you awake, you're 90 per cent sure that you are going to remain abstinent throughout the day. But now it's dealing with your emotions and feelings and seeing them through on a daily basis. Most emotions to begin with are very intense, but the feelings seem extra intensified for those in Year 2 because they have never felt the emotions while they're clean and sober . . . on this level.

Sure, some of the emotions were felt in Year 1, but the main concern was "as long as I don't pick up" and that made everything OK. You won because you didn't pick up. Now it's time to start discovering where these emotions, feelings and reactions stem from.

In the field of psychology, it is a well known theory that most learned behaviors are learned in the first six years of life. While Year 2 is a very confusing year, it can be viewed as the most wonderful year of your life because this is where you start defining who you really are as an individual, as a person. You start becoming aware of who you are and what you really want to become. You start creating personal boundaries that keep you safe. You discover which beliefs are not yours, but your parents' or your friends.' I always think of a really good friend that I met in my second year of recovery, she didn't know why she hated Natives or gays, she just did. It wasn't until she sobered up that she realized these were not her beliefs, but her parents.' When she was able to give that belief back to her parents and believe in what she really believed in, she was a totally different person. She would embrace me really hard when I would run into her at Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I really felt the true love of friendship pouring out from her. We are still good friends today.

It is really important in Year 2 that you have a personal therapist. He or she can help guide you through your roughest times. In earlier columns, I stated that approximately 95 per cent of alcoholics/drug addicts suffer or suffered from some sort of abuse. Whether it's sexual, physical, mental, emotional or spiritual abuse, you have to come to some understanding and forgiveness of your abuser if you want to truly heal yourself.

A good therapist is a trained psychological helper who can help you better understand yourself. It is very important that you check out the references of a potential therapist because, being in this profession, I have seen there are some therapist out there who can do more harm than good.

A good therapist never pushes his or her ideals or beliefs on another. A good therapist helps you to help yourself to come to your own realizations about what is good for you. Since you are in recovery, you should also ensure that the therapist is trained in chemical dependency and/or addictions. Just because one is a registered clinical counsellor and has a masters degree in psychology, does not mean one understands what is going on in an addict's mind. I recommend that you choose a therapist who is in recovery or at least has specific training in dealing with addictions - that's in addition to having a level of competency in dealing with your core issue (that is, the abuse which triggered the addiction in the first place).

In conclusion, balancing your Medicine Wheel should become an integral part in your life.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and next month, with Year 3, we'll look at building your future with the new you.