Tough message for leaders

Page 9

Willie Blackwater has started cleaning up the mess that the residential school experience made of his life and, because of that, he now feels he's qualified to be a leader.

Blackwater was the first victim to come forward in the now infamous Alberni Indian Residential School (AIRS) criminal action and subsequent ground breaking civil lawsuit. He was one of many presenters at the first international residential school conference hosted in Edmonton on Feb. 23, 24 and 25 by the Western Cree Tribal Council.

The Gitxsan man told the approximately 100 audience members (including chiefs, councillors and health care workers with an interest in residential school issues) that he believes too many chiefs and councillors have not yet confronted their painful memories of the residential school experience. He said that failure has impaired their ability to lead and has led to a crisis in leadership in First Nation communities.

The workshop was entitled, 'Why First Nations leaders fear healing.'

Blackwater is now a band councillor and hinted he plans to run for chief when nominations for election are held later this month. After he had gained a lot of prominence as a result of his very public legal stand against AIRS sexual predator Arthur Henry Plint, he became a respected member of the community. But he was haunted by the darker moments of his past.

Blackwater said he passed on the horrors of his physical, sexual and cultural abuse at AIRS to his wife and son because his unresolved emotional problems caused him to be distant and to spend a lot of time away from them, drinking heavily. He then admitted he'd harmed other family members in other ways. He told of a family member who confronted him about sexually abusing her in the days when he was drinking.

"Yes, I did that," he told the workshop audience. "But I can't blame the residential school and government. Yes, I learned it there, but I committed that act."

He has cooperated in her healing, making himself available if she needs to talk or even to vent her anger at him. He even suggested she call the police and charge him, if that would help her.

"I don't know if she's forgiven me, but she's told me she respects me. I found that hard to accept," he said. "I have a few more friends, a few more family members I need to do this to. It's not their pain. It's not their shame. It's not their guilt. It's mine. I passed it on to them.

"That, to me, ladies and gentlemen, is what a true leader ought to do. This is one of the main reasons why I feared healing for the longest time. I feared stepping up."

He blames such hidden fears and anger for a lot of what he sees as dysfunctional behavior by First Nation leaders. He said he ran for council on the platform that dysfunctional leaders were in politics for their personal gain and weren't properly serving their people.

"You should have seen the fear, total horror on the councillors' faces," he said.

He said many chiefs and councillors are only fooling themselves if they think they can be effective leaders without dealing with their leftover residential school trauma.

"We act like we know what we're doing," he said. "How in the hell can we know what we're doing when we're hurting our own people at night and on weekends?"

Blackwater admitted that he pushed his first wife away and neglected his first child. After re-marrying, it was the birth of his second child on Dec. 8, 1990 that gave him the strength to face his demons.

"I was a de-humanized individual and that's how I operated," he said. "And it's a deeper shame and a deeper guilt to continue doing this while pretending we're giving our hearts to our people. A lot of us refuse to admit that we unconsciously pass on the horror we experienced at the residential school."

His remarks caused a great deal of strong emotion in the room, but if any of the listeners were angry or offended, they kept it to themselves. Several people who identified themelves as present or former chiefs or councilors commended Blackwater for having the courage to speak his mind.

"It's a great honor to hear that from a chief," he responded, smiling. "Most chiefs tell me to keep quiet."

He urged all people with wounds from their school days, or wounds caused by parents or other relatives who attended residential school, to encourage healing in themselves and in their community.

"One of the most important things we had taken was trust,' he said. "We don't even trust our parents, for Christ's sake. We have to build that back up."

Denial has become, perhaps, the greatest enemy, he added.

"Speak up publicly about it. When you speak up publicly, it gives the perpetrator less room to move. Sooner or later, they'll have to get help," he said.