Shopping for your counsellor

Page 5

This month, I will go into more depth about "shopping" around for a therapeutic helper and why it could be dangerous for your emotional health if you choose an "unhealthy" counsellor.

It's important to understand the role of a counsellor. The main function is to help you understand yourself.

Most counsellors offer a free introductory one-hour initial assessment session. If not, I suggest that you make it clear to the therapist that if you are not happy with his/her initial assessment session, you will want your money back. Counsellors who are not willing to agree to this - I believe - are in it for the money and not for your emotional stability.

As I have mentioned many times in previous columns, the journey of recovery we have chosen is a life-long process. As more awareness of our destructive learned behaviors becomes apparent, the more we want to change them for the betterment of ourselves and the loved ones around us.

Year 3 in recovery allows us to handle certain crises in a more rational and methodical thought process. We begin to feel and acknowledge certain aspects of our true selves, thus becoming more comfortable with who we are. This is very important to someone in recovery because while we were using we had very low self-esteem and self-worth. As we become increasingly comfortable with ourselves, the more apt we are at making logical, rational decisions for ourselves.

As stated last month, in Year 3 we feel emotions and feelings that we've felt before, so the intensity is not as strong. We start to analyze what we did last time and the outcome. Should we do the exact same thing or should we try a different approach which may lead to a different conclusion? A lot of people who did not have an addiction problem don't understand that a lot of recovery revolves around basic life skills. For example, they don't understand how a 40 year old person cannot make a simple life choice. They do not comprehend that, yes, this is a 40 year old, physically, but emotionally and intellectually, this 40 year old has not yet "caught up" due to the many years of active addiction. The longer we remain clean in recovery, the quicker our emotional and mental selves catch up.

Anyone who enters recovery should live the 12 steps on a daily basis. The 12 steps are a great tool for becoming the best person that you can be. It is my suggestion that a person in Year 3 should continue to attend meetings, but if one is still attending the same number of meetings as in Year 1, then I, as a trained counsellor, would start wondering if co-dependency is becoming an issue.

A counsellor should not tell you how to live your life, pass judgments or give you answers to your questions about your life. No one understands you better than you. It is your life experiences that have made you who you are today. And no one can pass judgment on you because they have not lived your life. A good therapist allows you to come to your own conclusions by giving you suggestions.

Meetings are a good place to go to remind you of where it is that you come from. Listen to the newcomer, so you remember what it was like when you first came into recovery.

It is also recommended that you continue to have a personal therapist. I also recommend that if your therapist was primarily an alcohol and drug specialist, that you should be looking for another therapist who deals with a core issue. That is, maybe a therapist whose specialty is sexual abuse, if that is your core issue. Again, keep in mind that a therapist should never tell you what you should do. A therapist is a trained psychological helper to guide you to make your own decisions with respect to your life.

In conclusion, balancing the four parts of you: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual (Medicine Wheel) should be a way of life.

If you are feeling ungrounded in any way, sit yourself down and ask which part of yourself are you neglecting. Look at those four parts, there is probably one part that has ben neglected.

I hope the last three months have aided in better understanding of the first three years in recovery.

Until next month . . .