Youth learn from us

Page 11

I recently had the honor of attending Dr. Martin Brokenleg's two-day workshop on "Reclaiming Our Youth." As we begin to heal ourselves from the past, we have to start to our future - the next generation. As we struggle with the consequences of addiction, our youth have learned from us and they are currently no different.

Perhaps the biggest mistake that adults make with youth is to assume they do not know. Society treats youth and children as sub-humans. Some of the most derogatory statements in our language show just that:

"Act your age?" or "Quit acting like a child."

Those two statements make childhood seem unworthy and less-than.

I believe the most beneficial thing we can do for our youth is to treat them like we would any other person. After all, they are human beings with feelings, thoughts and emotions. The only thing they lack is maturity and that only comes with time. We cannot expect them to be where they are not. When someone makes us feel inadequate or shameful, we generally do not like that feeling and it brings with it other feelings - resentment, anger and hostility.

Through Dr. Brokenleg's, "Circle of Courage," we can teach our youth the four major developmental tools needed to assist young people to grow up healthy, caring and responsible.

Belonging

Every person needs to feel they belong and this feeling is intensified in adolescence. We have to create a feeling of belonging for those in our life. We can create a sense of belonging for the youth in our lives through the support systems of family, positive communication, other adult relationships, caring neighborhoods, a caring school climate and parental involvement in schooling.

Mastery

Every individual needs to feel they have accomplished something and are good at it. We need to allow our youth to feel successful. We can accomplish this by giving our youth enough information to create a success or mastery. We should not give them the answers, but let them discover them by their own methodology. This can be accomplished through positive boundaries and expectations, healthy family, school and neighborhood boundaries, as well as adult role models, positive peer influences and high expectations.

Independence

Every individual needs to feel powerful and that they can do things on their own. It is through the independence of youth that we can teach about choices and consequences, discipline versus punishment.

Discipline is proactive while punishment is reactive. Through discipline we teach our youth natural consequences and responsibility. It helps control their behavior through inner values and affirms positive reactions and thinking.

Through punishment we teach arbitrary, adult-imposed consequences and obedience when authority is around. It controls behavior through threats and rules and teaches that psychological and physical punishment is acceptable. Independence can be achieved through empowerment. We can allow youth to discuss what they believe their disciplinary action should be when they have done wrong. Empowerment also occurs when the community values youth, uses youth as a resource, and allows service to others and provides a safe haven.

Generosity

Every individual needs to feel they are a good and capable human being. Through acts of kindness and generosity, youth can begin to feel they are giving back. This is accomplished through constructive use of time, achievement through creative activities, youth programs, spiritual community and time at home.